Brilliant! Tremendous! Sublime! Shit-stained!

I know I don’t have to tell you superb people what today is. It’s only the most exciting and important day of the year, after all. But I’ll make the announcement anyway, for those who are visiting from overseas, or have just been released from the Witness Protection Program due to the timely prison murder of a relevant white collar criminal.

It’s May 3rd, making today NATIONAL ADJECTIVE DAY!!!

As you will of course recall, the first annual National Adjective Day was celebrated in 2003, the day after President Bush made our nation safe for all the children everywhere.

Last year’s National Adjective Day once again reminded us that modifiers make the world go ’round, and honored a new robust cohort of descriptive phrases.

This year is of course a Very Special National Adjective Day (not to be confused with a Very Special “Dawson’s Creek”), because it is the first to be hosted here at Day Old, where money and decadence are no object.

Seriously, I don’t have any objects like that.

Anyway, as we all know, the spirit of this holiday is to give thanks and praise to those adjectives that work so hard every day to make our world a little more interesting. The traditional celebration (meaning it’s been done twice now by me) is to go forth and use as many exciting and wonderful adjectives as you can in all of your communication today, verbal and/or written.

In addition, I am proud to announce this year’s honored phrases, which will each be awarded the superlative of its choice and a thesaurus autographed by Salman Rushdie. With no further ado, our winners are…

sheared poodle
oily T-zone
fat bastard
forbidden dance
crotchless panties
Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
acoustic trio
off-color remark
Randy Johnson (honorable mention: Big Unit)

Now let’s all go forth and celebrate wildly, throwing as many obnoxious adjectives into tedious conversation as humanly possible. Nominations for next year’s honorees are of course welcome.

Leave a comment


  1. cruel and unusual punishment.
    rotund beetle.
    flaccid skin.
    waxy pallor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>