Starring Rosie O’Donnell as Chastity Bono

Tonight EV is going to write in the third person, because there is something about a drastic change of scenery that feels like watching a TNT movie about some fictional person’s life. Someone you can sort of relate to on a personal level, but who lives in a fake and unfamiliar house on some Toronto studio lot and is occasionally superimposed on cut scenes of strangely unpopulated New York City streets.

After a week of Adventures in Cardboard (of which there are numerous further installments), she actually had to conduct the disgusting task of setting the alarm so that she would not in fact be two hours late to her first day on the job this morning (as she dreamt twice last week). Due to the fact that some massive plumbing crisis forced an evacuation of her company’s building the previous Friday, an IT backlog exists such that she has not yet been given a computer or a phone in her office. She did, however, receive three notebooks, a pencil, a felt-tip pen and white-out, with which she produced hand-written email messages that she then taped onto other people’s computer monitors.

That’s a joke, she didn’t do that.

Anyway, if one day can give any indication, it appears that accepting a job with a better title and higher salary actually indicates a willingness to be responsible for more things. Truthfully, she is long overdue for a firm kick to the ass, so this is a potentially positive discovery, that is if the IT issue is cleared up and she isn’t required to conduct all business on a carbon slate hung about her neck.

She does promise that a few moving-related photographs and anecdotes alluding to the suspected Jersey City mafia are in the queue, but asks that you keep in mind the fact that she is very, very tired from acclimation fatigue and lack of sleep and watching Rockstar Daughters on E! at the gym. She really didn’t need to see an interview with Ted Nugent’s daughters, thereby confirming that someone once (twice!) actually had sex with him.

Goodnight.

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1 Comment

  1. Do they have tails and fur, the children? Because that would make a certain amount of sense.

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