Things are stupid!

I get a lot of press releases, only a tiny fraction of which I can use. Among those I can’t use, there are a few every so often that I save, for obvious reasons.

This morning, I learned that if I have an iPod, and I need to get the battery replaced, there’s a company that I can send it to that will ZOMG MAKE A VIDEO OF THE BATTERY BEING REPLACED AND SEND IT TO ME SO I CAN WATCH!!11!1!

“Individuals who send their iPod to COMPANYWOW.com* can now receive a custom video of the entire process for free. COMPANYWOW.com has provided brand new iPod batteries to the general public for the past three years, and is closing in on more 50,000 satisfied customers. ‘There are lots of battery replacement videos on the net, but being able to watch your own iPod being opened up and given a new life is downright amazing.’ said Mugsy McTaters**. [Ed: What?] The video is recorded in real-time and then burned to a CD [Emphasis mine: Ha ha! What?], which is included with the iPod and does not delay the return in any way… Customers must agree to upload the movie to the video-hosting site of their choice [Ed: WTF?]: ‘It’s exciting and different, and people are very eager to share their experience with others,’ said McTaters.”

*Not the real company name
**Not the guy’s real name, but strangely similar

Seriously, who are the iPod freaks who get off on watching this magical mystical process ensue in real time? It’s obviously not to help people be able to replace the battery themselves, since the company is offering a replacement service that they presumably want people to continue paying for. It’s like some kind of Applefan porn, that you have to sign an agreement promising to disseminate. Oh, and by the way, all the videos WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME.

Internets, you are getting old and desperate. Maybe next, Amazon.com will start shipping DVDs with every order showing your shrink-wrap being put on, or your prescriptions from Drugstore.com will include an SD card with digital photos of fulfillment center employees calling your insurance company. Come on, world. Cook yourself a meal and play a board game, for reals.

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1 Comment

  1. OMG, is this for real? that is the saddest yet funniest thing i’ve read in a while.

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