I was riding the subway the other day, and being that I am between 18 and 34, was listening to my mp3 player (yes I said mp3 player not iPod, I support affirmative action). It was on shuffle, and because it has a teeny tiny little hard drive, has an abnormally lengthy gap between songs. During one of these gaps, a half-blind, elderly black woman stood up from the seat next to me and began prosthelitizing in the name of our Lord and Saviour. Just as she was getting going, my iAudio clicked into gear with “Gimmee That Nutt” by the late Eazy-E. So here is what I heard over the course of the next three minutes:

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I hope I am not disturbing NOW MY DICK’S ON HARD, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M THINKIN you must know that Our Lord Jesus Christ TOOK THA PANTIES OFF AND THE PUSSY WASN’T STINKIN’… and He said unto the people of Jerusalem OH, HIDEY HIDEY HIDEY, YOU HO died so that we could live SO FEE, FIE, FO, FUCK-FUM loves each and every one of you no matter what your faults, but you in turn must GIMMEE THAT, GIMMEE THAT, GIMMEE THAT NUTT all I ask is that for the next few minutes, you OPEN WIDE, OH NO DON’T ‘CHA WASTE IT, AWWW SHIT ALL OVA YA FACE, KID if you let Him into your heart, give Him a place CUZ INNNN SOME PUSSY IS THE PLACE TO BE, ALWAYS FUCKIN’ IS THE LIFE FOR ME I hope that some of you will think hard about our place in this world, and say to yourselves FUCK THIS SHIT JUST LET ME PUT MY DICK INSIDE, SOOOOOO…Amen.”


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1 Comment

  1. snowy

     /  August 15, 2006

    you know if sermons were more like this one, i think church-going would be more popular.

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