All posts for the month May, 2006

I kinda hoped the ring bearer would be a Roomba

I just got back from Bryan Adams’s wedding in Boston, and before you say “WTF??,” I’ll clarify that I’m referring to the Bryan Adams who just completed his Ph.D. in Artificial Intelligence at M.I.T., not the internationally-known popstar/assclown. Many of you know Bryan as the ever-hilarious and thoughtful former blogger who very rudely quit writing [...]

Looks like Ralphie had a little “accident”

So this sure has been a good week for catching celebrities in awkward positions. I’m at physical therapy this morning, waiting for my heating pad, when Joe Pantoliano flops down on the next table, back all a-spasm. I got all mind-fucked for a second because I just watched Daredevil last week, so I thought I’d [...]

I think I interrupted a Ramone having sex

So I can finally cross that off my life’s to-do list. I was scheduled to do a phone interview at 11:00 this morning, and this is how it started: Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. R– Woman: He–llo? Me: Can I speak with Marky? Woman: Who’s calling please? Me: Evie from Skope Magazine. Woman: Hold on. [...]

Does– not– compute– beeeeepzbeeep

I don’t normally consider it acceptible human behavior to post email of a quasi-personal nature on one’s blog, but I am making an exception in this case, because… well because I don’t think you’ll need me to explain myself. This message went out yesterday to the staff of a magazine I write for, from its [...]

Whose side are you on?

I don’t care what they say.

Pop Quiz

After all the writing I’ve done over the past two weeks, my brain is clean wrung out of ideas. So here’s a little busy work for you. Write your answers neatly with a #2 pencil in the comments box. 1) If it doesn’t rain tonight, I am going to see the Yankees play the _____. [...]

That’s what Lancelot said

Best Overheard in New York post of the week: Guy #1: I’d totally hit that. Guy #2: Dude, I’d hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.


Most of the time I’m all talk and no action, but I have occasionally put my money where my mouth is and actually participated in political activism. For example, when I was 16, some anonymous pro-lifers sent me an envelope full of fetus pictures because a newspaper article mentioned a pro-choice rally I’d gone to [...]

And all the adjectives should be in English

I am a filthy traitor to our great nation. In my addled, selfish, misguided drive to finish the story I’m working on, I completely overlooked Wednesday’s National Adjective Day. I’m sure you all celebrated on your own, and I’m sure you did our magnificent language proud. If you, too, are a godless jackanapes and neglected [...]

What do you get the cat who has everything?

I don’t have much to say until I officially finish school at the end of the week, but I do want to wish a very happy snuggly widdoh burfday to my roly poly itsy wuggums Pokey, who turned two yesterday. He eats olives and lettuce and constantly falls off shit, but he’s still the best [...]