All posts for the month April, 2005

Float like a butterfly, futz like my mom

I managed to subconsciously bite my lip during a meeting yesterday to the point that it honestly looks like I got punched in the mouth or had a stroke. Next to my compulsive nail-biting and the fact that I routinely finish a pack of Mentos in 3 minutes, this is pretty iron-clad evidence that it’s [...]

When men were men and trains were fast

I’ve got another DC trip tomorrow and Thursday, via another meeting in Princeton, because some higher power is forcing a constant return to my places of birth and college this month, presumably to move me to right some mysterious wrongs of my past that I don’t remember due to infancy and drunkenness. That made absolutely [...]

L’acoste alligators chasing an opossum

Note: It would be a fair reaction to think that this post is highly self-congratulatory, but on closer analysis I think you’ll find it really isn’t at all. So, I sang at Carnegie Hall on Friday. Yes shit. I really didn’t earn it and I deserve no credit for it whatsoever, it’s just one of [...]

I’m with Smackahoe

A shout out to the lovely and talented Sarah Brown, for a grade-A evening of Super Sunday Laser Tag and salad dressing by the bowl-full. Now that I’m through recovery from getting shot to bits by teenage snipers, caring and sharing can resume. Now I don’t want to cause any trouble, but let’s just say [...]

My seventh grade fantasy come true

Like oh my GOD. Frankie Brady totally goes to my gym. I was like totally standing there waiting for my trainer, and he was like on the floor RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME stretching his hamstrings!!!! So anyway. At first I was like “that guy looks just like Billy Warlock but older.” And then I [...]

Your pudding, Miss

When you get to order room service at a hotel because someone else is paying or you’re feeling extra decadent, do you ever pretend you’re one of those kids in young adult period novels who lives in a fancy hotel while her widowed father tours Belgium with the symphony, who constantly delights adult society and [...]

Cockadoodledoo

I know I’ve complained about Jersey City before, but I’m starting to realize that there is a real sense of community. For example, one of my neighbors is evidently concerned that people are in danger of losing their livelihoods by sleeping in and being late to work. As a result of his community service, the [...]

The Witch of Blackbird Pond was a very good book. It takes place during Puritan times and is very good.

I’m sitting at my desk drinking a bottle of Fuze and contemplating the fact that as soon as I’m done writing this I have to do a book report. For work. I can’t decide where I stand on the idea that my fourth grade skills are more valuable than my master’s degree. What’s more confounding [...]

Pork: the one you love

For some reason, people always think I’m kidding when I tell them I somehow ended up on the National Pork Board’s email list. Every three months or so I get a request to vote for my favorite pork product for their quarterly pork product awards, and today I got a very excited announcement of their [...]

Innocent bystander

Have you ever coordinated an evening out with a group of people who haven’t seen each other in a long time, and then have it turn out that the only two people other than you who can go couldn’t stand each other back in the day, or more accurately one of them historically has a [...]