All posts for the month January, 2005

Hasenfeffer Incorporated

So this morning’s interviewee to take my place is a girl named Karin (pronounced “careen”) who, in my personal opinion, is a bit too thin and friendly for this position. My magic trick today was that I came in half an hour late as she was waiting for her next interview because I fell on [...]

Hip replacement

So the first candidate to replace me at work just came in the office, and I’m sitting at my desk in plain view splitting pills in half with a blade like some kind of crack fiend. I think if they introduce her to me after her interview I’ll run my pinky along my nostrils and [...]

She’s Out of Control

After all those years where I did dream about my life turning into an 80s movie starring Tony Danza, why did it have to happen now when I have other priorities? Actually, my life has turned more into a movie about a girl who doesn’t know how to accept favors and assistance from others because [...]

SNNNOOOOOWWWW DDAAAAYYYYY!!!!!

Snow day. p.s. As I am moving a week from today and don’t even have one sock packed, posts might look approximately like this one for a little while. But do I have stories to tell when things get settled, oowee. Yeah.

Correction fluid

So, uh, the city got erased last night. I wonder if my office is gone.

J-pop y’don’t stop

If I’m not going to share my extremely minor achievements with you people, who am I going to share them with? So if you unexpectedly find a crumpled dollar bill in the back pocket of those jeans you’ve been looking for forever, pick up a copy of this magazine in which I discovered this morning [...]

Name, rank, and serial number

So my new employer, being a thorough and upstanding organization, can’t give me an official offer until they’ve talked to three references (in addition to one they already talked to). My boss was kind enough to tell a few half-truths on my behalf (since this several-month home stretch has amounted to much of a “coasting” [...]

Turn and face the strain

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday (observed), which we celebrate because he inspired dreams of a new era. And speaking of new eras, it appears I will be passing into one myself in about two weeks. You see, I have been chosen to test a new device developed by a team of paleantologic engineers [...]

Cliff’s Notes for today’s post

I hate the weather today. I had two Odwalla products for lunch. I have done very little work. I have done very much perusing of ikea.com. I’m leaning towards the Malm. I have a winter coat that’s missing a button and half the lining. I will be going to Filene’s Basement this evening. I’m pretty [...]

Filtering

Losing touch with friends with whom I have once been at least semi-close gives me a feeling similar to discovering that the milk’s gone bad after I’ve already poured the cereal. Eating the cereal itself isn’t going to make me any happier than a bagel, but the unplanned corruption still results in an exaggerated sense [...]